You are here:

Sex Life

How can we rekindle our Sex Life?

Question

My husband and I have been married for l5 years and have two lovely children. We are very affectionate but we seldom make love. What can you suggest to put back the spark?

Answer

If you consider our life span, both sexes change in blocks of seven years or so. These blocks encompass biological, physiological and emotional shifts. Couples who stay together for many years have to make adjustments individually and as a couple. Personality and character can change profoundly, so much so that partners may find themselves poles apart if they do not take these shifts on board and make positive steps.

Think about our lives. Until the age of seven we are infants from seven to 14 we grow into puberty. During our teenage years, we are adolescent and often rebellious, In our 20s, we start consolidating careers, before settling down in our late 20s and early 30s. At 35 onwards, women's biological clocks tick more urgently as fertility dwindles. The divorce rate mounts in our 40s and 50s, as women go into the menopause and many men experience a midlife crisis. By 63, both sexes are slowing down work wise, and at 70 some degree of age-related decline is inevitable.

Some men and women resist change of any sort. You'll often find them labeled obstinate, old-fashioned, stick-in-the-mud, intractable, etc. They are the difficult ones to deal with.

You and your husband sound as though you really want to accommodate the developments in your lives. My advice is to work on the positive: which starts from the fact that men and women are intrinsically attracted to the notion of living with our "other halves".

Of all the bonds, sexual, attraction is the most powerful because it is based on instinct- a phenomenon that is beyond the explanation of science. Much has been spoken about the Indian philosophy of tantra, which is generally misinterpreted as a means of achieving sexual powers and satisfaction. In truth, it is a way of achieving a state of enlightenment – of overwhelming spiritual power - where your mind and body are in total harmony. This brings with it freedom from all the burdens of life, such as pain, disease, suffering and fear. It can also bring sexual bliss. However, it needs long and complex training, plus much Practice, to reach this state of higher consciousness. Below you will find some simple suggestions for both Partners, which incorporate some of the threads of this ancient Indian art. The experience you create in this way will go fur beyond such concepts as frigidity, low libido or even poor erection.

These are my suggestions:

  • Take care of yourselves physically, so that you are sexually attractive to each other. Lose excess weight, exercise so that you have energy and stamina, dress well and make sure you are well-groomed. Check that neither of you has halitosis, body odour or bad skin. The side effects of poor general health can diminish attraction.
  • Look after yourselves emotionally: persistent low moods can drive the other person away. Problems such as frequent mood swings, anxiety or depression, insomnia, jealousy, promiscuity or incompatible sexual demands must be confronted and talked through lovingly then help sought if necessary. (You may find relationship counseling from Relate is helpful- the telephone number of your nearest centre is in your local directory; alternatively, visit www.relate.org.uk)
  • To enhance sensuality, Practice hatha or Iyengar Yoga with your partner. Breathe slowly and deeply during lovemaking: try to do this in synchrony.
  • Take lots of time over foreplay. Massage each other's neck, back, head and erogenous zones, such as the inner thighs. The skin is a very powerful sensory organ and touching areas in a way that gives you both pleasure helps you to bond. Tell each other what sensations this touch arouses. What follows can be left to imagination and instinct - but remember that the longer this blissful experience is prolonged, the more united you will become.
  • The following supplements may help: for the woman, Shilajit (Pukka Herbs capsules): one daily for two months. For the man, Fortex (Rasashala): one daily for two months.
Home
Website by DataShire